And jokes
Hell hates freezers, England, and soccer.
When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.
But when you do, people scream and run away.
What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?
I don't eat burritos.
What do my cock and money have in common?
Your mom.
First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.
What is the difference between an iPhone and an orphan?
An iPhone has a button to go home.
Why did my dad cross the road?
To get to the nearest building so he wouldn't die in the crippling smoke of the most terrifying and only terrorist attack on American soil.
What's the difference between 911 and the stock market in the 1930's?
Nothing, they both crashed.
What is the difference between a guy with cancer and the Twin Towers?
Nothing, they both fell.
What's the difference between a Baptist and a rapist? The priests.
I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.
What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?
I can't jump off a burrito.
A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"
The bartender replied: "A shotgun."
What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?
When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.
What did Hitler and Usain Bolt have in common?
They both finished the races.
(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?
My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has disappeared.
I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy--and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.
Why are Putin and Zelensky neighbors?
Apparently, a big dick needs a great set of balls next to it.
What does a sad cowboy and a supernatural fan have in common?
Both want to put a Winchester in their mouth.
A woman was sitting alone at a bar, and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sad. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.
The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his fetishes. After a few drinks, they decided to go back to her place.
When they arrived, she told him to make himself comfortable while she freshened up. The man complied. After a long time, she burst open her bedroom door and said, "I hope you're ready!"
She stood in the doorway wearing a latex body suit and a gas mask. She had a whip in one hand, a flogger in the other hand, and a 12-inch strap-on dangling between her thighs.
The dude looked at her and said, "Thanks, but I'm good for the night!"
She said, "I thought you said that you were kinky."
The dude replied, "While you were in there, I f-cked your cat, pissed in your plants, and came on your curtains. It's been fun!"