And jokes
A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.
When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"
The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.
Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"
God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"
What's the difference between bounties and orphans?
The bounty is wanted.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and an orange?
The orange tastes good.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
El, if I know.
Found this girl in Hawaii.
Put a stick up her ass and she said, "Ayi."
Some people say I'm rude, but I think I'm pretty nice because the other day I saw this kid crying on the road and I asked him where his parents were. I just love looking at an orphanage.
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make noise after you throw them.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked, and the other doesn’t.
My wife and children are leaving me over my obsession with horse racing.
And they're off!
What’s the difference between a cow and 9/11?
A cow can’t be milked for 21 years.
What's long and black, the line to KFC.
I was at the orphan place, and I saw a kid crying. And I asked him where his parents are, and he fainted.
I'm black, and I have a dying family in my basement that hasn't eaten in 2 weeks. They need help.
Btw, it's a joke lol.
Your hairline's so bent, it goes west, east, north, and south!
Can’t believe how ungrateful my dwarf next-door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to “fuck off.” In the end, I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.
She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, and we're both getting sent home from school because it's distracting to boys, apparently.
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?
Me: Do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?
Bank teller: [eyes wide] Uhhhhh...
Me: *scratches head with gun* Man, I hate it when this happens.
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.
So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."
Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."