And jokes
What is the difference between me and a retard?
At least I have chromosomes.
Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony. He opened up a pasta shop and made some macaroni.
If you go to someone's house and see the flag of the former Soviet Union hanging on the wall,
that's a big red flag!
What are some red flags?
Chinese, Danish, Spanish, Turkish and Albanian.
Why does an orphan's calendar only have 362 days? Because they don't celebrate Father's Day, Mother's Day, and Valentine's Day.
What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to the men he took home that said they were hungry? "I've got Ben and Jerry's in the freezer."
Me and Billy Bob the 1st, Billy Bob the 2nd, and Billy Bob 4th Jr. were all in the Twin Towers.
Who is older than the Twin Towers?
Billy Bob the 1th. He was older than the Twin Towers. He was born 3 minutes before the Twin Towers and is still alive today.
I went to a tall girl and I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She says, "An account." So I reply with, "An accounting the hairs on people's heads," and then I run away.
STORY OF 2 PEOPLE NOT ME:
Girlfriend: What would you do if I won the lottery?
Boyfriend: I would take half and leave you.
Girlfriend: Ok cool. I won 12 dollars here's 6 and don't come back.
Eugenics is Hitler-like and, more importantly, feminist thinking.
Trump pumped and dumped his wife at the border.
Gays, blacks, and your maw, mate.
A cop pulls a man over and finds out he's drunk. So he asks for license and registration, and the drunk man says, "Can I see your flashlight?"
The cop says, "Just give me your license and registration." So drunk guy says, "Not until you give me your flashlight."
The cop said, "For what?" and the drunk guy says, "So I can shine it in your face and see what an asshole looks like."
Penis and balls.
I kicked a ball at the kid in the wheelchair, and now we're playing Rocket League.
Why are the twin towers sad?
Because they ordered a pepperoni pizza and got a plane!
what did Germany and Austria do after ww2?
accepted all art students
My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookies and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.