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What's the difference between the Leaning Tower of Pisa and the Twin Towers?

The Leaning Tower of Pisa has better reflexes.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? One is always picked.

A man went hunting with his son and shot an animal.

The father asks the son to identify the animal he just shot, and the son answers: "Holy Cow!"

Father: "What do you mean, 'Holy Cow?'"

Son: "You shot a hole in the cow, of course!"

Mom, what happens if you swear at a church?

Well, honey, a tee posing nun with glowing red eyes and nunchucks will beat you.

So an emo shot themselves, and so the detective decides to ask why, but it just goes in one ear and out the other.

An orphan goes into a bar, and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, you need parent permission to enter."

Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she won’t listen to me. It’s almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.

I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."

Ask someone if they are a rhino. If they say yes, tell them "so you're horny." And if they reply yes again, block them from your life entirely.

Why did the orphan cheat on his girlfriend with a guy?

Because he wanted someone to call "Mommy" and "Daddy."

A man came up to me and threatened me with his milk, cheese, and butter... how dairy!