And jokes
My April Fool's joke is going to an orphanage and telling them their parents came back.
"Pootin is a pussy won't even fight in the war that he started!"
"Pootin is a pussy and Ukraine is beating Russia's ass!"
What’s the difference between a microwave and a 10 year old girl?
The microwave doesn’t fart out blood and diarrhea when you pull your meat out.
My friend saw your forehead and realized you're gay.
Noticing how wet and gentle the baby's mouth was on the bottle tip, this gave Uncle Willie an idea.
What do a relationship and suicidal thought have in common? They’ll both end soon.
These jokes crash and burn.
What is the difference between you and an orphan?
Orphans have zero family.
So, one day I have a wife, but if it's getting a longer day, she is moving so weird, and I see she has sex with Rick Astley. 😂 [rickrolled]
An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.
I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”
Best way to trick your friends:
A brick falls out of a plane.
How do you put an elephant in the fridge? Open the door, put him in, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? Open the door, take the poor elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.
The animal kingdom is throwing a party, all the animals are there except for one, who? The giraffe, because he's still in the fridge.
Sally needs to cross the river that is known to be filled with deadly crocodiles, but she crossed safely, how? Because the crocodiles are at the party, but Sally still dies after crossing the river, how? Because she was hit by the flying brick.
Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"
Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"
What did the plane say to the tower? "Yo, can I crash at your place for a bit, and can my boy crash at your boy's place?"
I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"
What do parents and dark humor have in common? Not everyone gets them.
Your mum's so fat, she fell into the Grand Canyon and got stuck going down.
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and the Leaning Tower of Pizza?
One held its balance, the other two fell.
What do a prostitute and peanut butter have in common?
They both spread for bread.
Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.
Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!
Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.