And jokes

If you drop an apple and an emo girl, who falls first?

The apple, because the emo girl hung herself.

A guy and his girl just finished making love.

Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks, "Have you thought about any baby names?"

The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says, "Well, probably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this!"

When you fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed.

But you know you live alone.

A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”

The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.

“It’s really not your day, is it?”

Someone went up to an orphan and asked him why he was talking to the air. He said he was talking to his mom.

I was gonna walk up to an emo and say, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"

What's the difference between your dad and a boomerang?

The boomerang comes back.

Hello! I'm Taylor, and this is my life story with me and my ex girl. So when I was little, I met this girl. Her name was Leah. We were besties for a while until I turned 13. Then I asked if she wanted to date me. She said yes!

But one day, in the middle of school, she was talking to another man!!!!!!! AND THEY HUGGED AND KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE CHEEK!!!!!! Then, she told me she hated me. I was so upset!!!!!!!! Whatever you do, don't follow the ugly rat!!!!!!!!! <3

When you see a kid yelling and you wanna leave :(((((((

What's the difference between Paul Walker and a fly? It's the sound they make when they hit the windshield.

I was gonna tell you a Kobe Bryant joke.

But it would just crash and burn.

Knock, knock.

You suck my iron with you and mommy.

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple gets picked!

So I went up to a crying kid and asked, "Where's your mommy?"

God, I love working at an orphanage.

What do girls and your hairline have in common? They are both receding.

My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.

What do chicken on a plancha and emos have in common?

They both are hung.

I saw a kid in a wheelchair and I screamed, "EXTREME PARKOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Imagine if the kid in a wheelchair was in Fast and Furious. His wheelchair is the only one that keeps him going.

Ok, so I have a joke for you, go look in the mirror and when you realize, come back to me and tell me.

Your hairline was playing Sorry!

Pulled the wrong card and moved back five spaces.