And jokes
What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.
What's simultaneously up and down?
A retard on a plane.
Why doesn't Mexico compete in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, and swim are in the U.S.
Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.
Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?
Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.
I like my girls like my file systems...
FAT and 16.
What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with the terrorist.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."
The other asks, "Are you sure?"
"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"
Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.
Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
Odo walks down the alley and turns into a bar.
What is brown and sticky?
A stick.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your cock into a girl's mouth.
The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?
Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.
Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.
Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
A time traveler walks into a bar.
He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey.