And jokes
What's long, brown, and sticky?
A stick.
How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?
Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
What's black and never works?
Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard!
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"
A Roman walks into a bar.
He holds up two fingers and says, "Give me five beers."
Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.
A fake name and a fake phone number.
How do you make holy water?
You take normal water and boil the hell out of it.
What do you call someone with one arm and no legs?
Names.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
It's easy to roast beef.
Your momma is so dumb, she sits on the TV and watches the couch.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre.
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?
Their last big hit was the wall.
What's the difference between a surgeon and God?
God knows he's not a surgeon.
There are 10 types of people in this world.
Those that know binary and those that don't.
What's green and smells like bacon?
Kermit's finger.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
A termite walks into a bar and says, "Hey, is the bartender here?"
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
What's big, green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree, it can kill you?
A pool table.
What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?
They both came in a little behind.