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And jokes

The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.

Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."

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    • Yo mama's so ugly, and her voice is so loud that The X Factor doesn't want or need her to show up to the performances when she sings.

    If Bruno Mars was to run a pub and sell chocolate bars other than alcoholic drinks, then he'd have to call his pub a Mars Bar!

    What do you call a guy with a bald head who loves to eat biscuits, raisins, and caster sugar?

    Gary Baldy (Garibaldi)!

    There are 5 cats on a boat, and 1 jumps off. How many are left?

    Zero, they were copycats.

    What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.

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    • You give some people 2.54 centimeters, and they take 1.6 kilometers.

    I was talking to my Welsh friend the other day, and he suddenly started talking Welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke.

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    • What is the difference between a banana and a helicopter? Neither of them is a police officer.

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    • When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

    A man was having a dream. He dreamt about a mystical creature that was commonly known as the god of toast.

    When the man woke up, he turned to tell his wife about the dream. When he delivers the "toast god" punchline, his wife shrugged as she faced the opposite direction to the man.

    The man turned around also and started sobbing as he realised his marriage is in shambles.

    Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.

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