And jokes

What's the difference between a 14-year-old boy and an 8-year-old boy?

The 14-year-old is on top, the 8-year-old is on the bottom.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.

Once upon a time lived a fat ass named Steve and got rabies and died. The end!

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

What's the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?

The microwave doesn't brown the meat.

Grammar: It's the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.

Why do mermaids wear seashells?

They are too big for “B” shells, and too small for “D” shells.

An Aussie, an Asian, and a Frenchman are in a bar.

The Asian throws his whiskey in the air and shoots it. The Frenchman asks, "Why did you do that?" The Asian says, "There are plenty of them where we come from."

The Frenchman throws his champagne in the air and shoots it. Then the Aussie asks, "Why did you do that?" The Frenchman replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."

The Aussie then throws his beer up in the air and shoots the Asian. Then the Frenchman asked, "Why did you do that?" The Aussie then replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."

When I go to bed, my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick and beats me with it.

I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.

How does Hellen Keller drive?

With one hand on the wheel and the other on the road.

I picked up a document, and I started to feel cold.

I looked down at the document, and it read "DRAFT."

Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"

One day in my class, we were having that good snack, and one of my classmates choked on a Cheerio. One small, single, Cheerio!

Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture. Tonya says, "I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3-year-olds."

There once was a little girl named Sarah with no arms and legs.

*knock knock*

Who's there!

Not Sarah.

Have you ever been eight before?

You were between 7 and 9.

You know chords, right? Well, you know what I love to do? To play with A-minor. You know, feel your fingers on A-minor. Gives you a sense of power, to just F A-minor.

But that's not my favorite thing to fiddle with. That would be the D of minors. It's just solid, you know. If you're clever you can have the D of minors into the C of minors. Or, though a bit tricky, the D of minors into the B of minors.

And at this point you've gotten the point and if I want to continue it would be a bit of a stretch.

What is the difference between a suicidal person and you? None, you are both dead on the inside.

What's the difference between Arsenal and West Ham?

Arsenal can win trophies and win games.