And jokes
A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."
So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.
Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.
Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?
Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.
Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head and Shoulders.
Roses are red, violets are blue, your penis smells like stew, and I want to eat it too.
What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?
I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.
I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and everything was half off. I didn't know back to school sales had started already.
Why did Trump decide to build the wall?
Because China built a wall and they do not have any Mexicans.
How do you make Holy Water?
Get regular water and boil the devil out of it.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby?
Both of their legs don't work.
How did Steven Hawking die?
His wife needed a charger and plugged him out.
A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."
Why were Adam and Eve's sons so much alike? Because Cain was Abel minded!
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite song?
Head, shoulders, screws, and bolts.
What's the difference between a potted plant and your wife?
The first is easier to bury.
When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.
Yeah, I keep telling everyone 9/11 jokes, but they all just crash and burn.
So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
Wyatt is a guy who still doesn't have a girlfriend because he didn't sit with Yanely and Jasmine at lunch. Funny joke, huh?