And jokes

What's the difference between apples and dead babies?

I don't ejaculate on apples before I eat them.

What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.

What's the difference between a snowman and a snow lady?

Snowballs!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

What do you call Nicholas and Dillon/Dennis?

GAY

What do you call Holly and Elenji?

A couple.

What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?

An expiration date.

What’s the difference between a Canadian and a unicorn?

Nothing, they’re both mythical creatures.

What’s the difference between an Englishman and a unicorn?

Nothing.

What's the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?

The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

If Stephen Hawking was in a horror movie, would he make his robot try and shout, "Aaaaaaaah! Help me, I can't move! I'm too scared!"?

Once there was a boat. Its friends said,

"It's time to come back." And the boat said,

"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."

If you start at a bait shop, you're an amateur baiter, but once you achieve the highest level, you become a master baiter. Now buy a shrimp boat and become a master baiter on a shrimp boat.

Pedophile: You dropped your candy.

Girl: Thanks!

Pedophile stares as she slowly bends over to pick up her candy.

Pedophile: It looks a bit dirty, do you wanna come back to my house and get a new one?

Girl: How far is your house?

Pedophile: It's that white one right over there.

Girl: You mean that van next to a dumpster?

Pedophile: Yep, it's that one.

Girl:.... Sure! :P

Audience:.........Dumbass girl.

What's the difference between a Lambo and 100 dead babies?

I don't have a Lambo in my garage.

What do you call a bulldog and a shih tzu? A bullshit.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?

When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.

I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.

So I was on Google, and on my computer it had Windows. When Stephen Hawking died, it shut down, the shutdown sound played, and wouldn't turn on again.

What can you tell [is] the difference between Stephen Hawking and a carrot?

Nothing.

Build a man a fire, he will be warm for a day. Give him some Tfox merch, and he will be on fire.