And jokes

A boy asks his father:

"What is politics?"

Father answers:

"It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business. Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.

Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law.

Our maid is the working class.

Everything revolves around your interests, so you’re the people. Your little baby brother represents the future."

The boy has to think it over. That night he hears his little brother crying due to a dirty diaper. He doesn’t know what to do, so he goes to the bedroom of his parents. There his mother is sound asleep. He goes to the bedroom of the maid, but his father is there fucking the maid — and oddly enough his grandfather is watching through the window.

Nobody notices the boy and he returns to his bed.

The next day his father asks him:

"So, can you now explain to me what politics is?"

The boy says:

"Yes, it’s all become clear to me!

Big business screws over the working class while the law watches and the government sleeps. The people are ignored and the future lies in shit."

What's the difference between Pink Floyd and George Floyd?

When Pink Floyd can't breathe, it's because all their fans are smoking pot.

Why are women like KFC?

After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

What's the similarity between a pepperoni pizza and Freddy Krueger?

They both have red circles on their bodies.

Q: What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?

A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.

What has four legs and one arm? A doberman at the playground.

My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.

So, I was walking around the outside of the building and I saw a kid and asked, "Where's your parents?" I love working at the orphanage.

How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness.

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    • A policeman walks up to a van with two priests and says, "We're looking for two child molesters."

    The priests both look at each other for a moment and then say, "Okay, we'll do it."

    My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.

    Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."

    A pedophile was holding a bag of chocolates and then approached a little girl at the park.

    "Hey little girl! If you give me a teeny-tiny kissy-kiss on the tip of my wee-wee, I'll give you a piece of my chocolate!"

    The little girl replies, "If I suck your whole cock, can I have the whole bag?"

    I parked in a disabled space today...

    ...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”

    My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.

    A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini.

    The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that.

    "New around here?" said the bartender.

    "Nah, been here a while," said the robot.

    Bartender "You can talk?"

    Robot "Yeah, pretty cool, huh."

    Bartender "Why do you want a martini?"

    Robot "Oh, I'm just in the mood for one, you know?"

    The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk.

    The robot seems to be just like a normal human.

    "Wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender.

    "The top minds in the world," said the robot.

    The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..."

    Bartender, "What?"

    "Why did you read this entire story? It does not have a punchline. I just wasted your time. Get bamboozled, nerd!"