And jokes
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”
The farmers were playing chess, and the winner shouted and said: "I killed your horse!"
The second quickly left, and when he returned he said: "We have poisoned all your cows!"
When you're in the middle of a test and you hear gun shots.
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
I like my women like I like my wine. 16 and locked in my in a basement.
Your hairline be going up and down like a Formula 1 car!
My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"
Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.
Her: I am scared!
Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
What is the difference between a pencil and a woman?
At least one has a point.
What is the difference between me and food?
Food has a use.
What do genders and the Twin Towers have in common? There used to be 2, but now they're a sensitive topic...
My son wore his new "Go Vegan" Hoodie for the first time today, and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked, & spat on!!!!
And he's not even left the house yet!!!
What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedophile have in common?
"Are you ready kids?"
What does Michael Jackson and caviar have so much in common?
They both come on little white crackers.
I told a girl she was cute, and she said, "Aw, tysm."
How does she know I have that?
How do you get a party started in Africa?
You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.
What do you call 2 nuns and a prostitute that play football?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Women have ass and tits... but men have dick and rights.
As an older brother, I always gave my little sister advice. I always said to do your best and never quit. So one day I went to her room. I see my sister giving married men blow jobs.
I ask what are you doing? The married men said she is giving us blow jobs because our wives don't do it. My sister said you told me to do your best, and my best is to suck them dry. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder.