American jokes
Australian says to American: why do you have such bad gun laws?
American: Self defense.
Australian: Self defense against 50 innocent children?
If you enter the bathroom as an American and leave the bathroom as an American, what are you in the bathroom?
A European.
What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people?
Death.
Why are school shootings branded “very American”?
1. They usually happen in the USA.
2. They’re like the Fourth of July: there’s a lot of loud banging and kids screaming.
Why can't Americans play chess?
Because they're missing two towers.
Damn Americans, they fucking suck at Clash Royale.
Why are Americans bad at Clash Royale?
Because they have already lost 2 towers.
There are 3 men: an American, a French, and an Italian who have to take a trip and take the plane.
The American puts his hand out the window and says: "We are in America, I touched the Statue of Liberty." The French says: "We are in France, I touched the Eiffel Tower." The Italian says: "We are in Italy, I touched the garbage!"
I asked an American if their national anthem was "Pumped Up Kicks."
Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans? Because they already lost two towers.
If Joe Biden and Kamala Harris jump off a cliff, who survives?
Americans...
Why are so many Americans stupid? Because they shoot the ones that go to school.
My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.
Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"
Did you know that..
Studies show 9 in 10 Americans do not have basic math skills.
Oh, thank god I'm in that 1%.
If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?
An American.
Hello my fellow Americans, I'm playing Clash Royale for the USA clan, and two towers are already gone?
Hello my fellow Canadians, I mean Americans. I, your cool and hip president, has decided to give everyone free ice cream! Even the Russians. Go out to your local ice cream shop and make sure to leave your kids at home!
Americans: We drive on the right side of the road.
The British: We drive on the left side of the road.
Russia: ROAD IS ROAD. *crashing noises follow*
Poor kids in American schools, they want books, but all they get are magazines.
What's white, red, blue, and brown all over?
The American flag I used to wipe my ass with.