Why are so many Americans stupid? Because they shoot the ones that go to school.
My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.
Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"
Did you know that..
Studies show 9 in 10 Americans do not have basic math skills.
Oh, thank god I'm in that 1%.
If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?
An American.
Hello my fellow Americans, I'm playing Clash Royale for the USA clan, and two towers are already gone?
Hello my fellow Canadians, I mean Americans. I, your cool and hip president, has decided to give everyone free ice cream! Even the Russians. Go out to your local ice cream shop and make sure to leave your kids at home!
Americans: we drive on the right side of the road
The British: we drive on the left side of the road
Russia: ROAD IS ROAD *crashing noises follow*
Poor kids in American schools, they want books, but all they get are magazines.
What's white, red, blue, and brown all over?
The American flag I used to wipe my ass with.
Two Native Americans
Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there sucking back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says, "How would you boys like a blow job?"
The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.
His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do that for?"
Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting a job!"
POV there’s a school shooting.
American: First time, European?
European: Yeah, you American?
American: No, not my first time.
What did COVID say to the American?
Nothing, it just took its breath away...
During the Great War, a man holding a machine gun shoots down a swarm of soldiers running on a swamp.
He says: "You came to the wrong swamp, Americans! You came to the wrong swamp!" *He didn't stop firing.*
An American walks into an Afghan bar. Joke, Afghanistan doesn't have bars because of the Taliban.
What did the Brit say to the American?
Well here comes fascism.
The Statue of Liberty is French; she ain't even American. Deport that bitch!
Why would a Italian heterosexual male do for $100.00 if he was a prostitute that a polish american male would only do for a Klondike bar if he was a prostitute?
suck a big cock.
The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:
"Hello, please divert to 5° East to avoid collision. Thank you."
The commander starts answering:
"No, you divert 5° West to avoid collision. Over!"
"Sorry, sir, you are the one who should divert to 5° East! Over!"
"Listen to me, you asshole! We are the USS Washington, and we have an entire fleet at our disposal, and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!"
After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again:
"In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"
Why are the Americans good at Rubik's cubes? Because they have a long history of separating colors.
Q: Name a murderer?
A: Jews: Hitler. Russians: Stalin. Chinese: Mao. Americans: Bin Laden. Aborted fetus: My mom.
