Teacher: *Reads mythological story about a cyclops
Me: Does he have one eye cause he's from an incestual family in Alabama?
Teacher: *Reads mythological story about a cyclops
Me: Does he have one eye cause he's from an incestual family in Alabama?
How do people in Alabama get circumcised? You knee your sister's jaw...
I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.
She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.
Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!
No one:
Literally no one:
Abraham Lincoln: *dies*
John Wilkes Booth: *ranks up*
Who is better than Alabama? CLEMSON TIGERS!!!!
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?
Almost took out the whole trailer park.
GF: What did you use as kissing when you were little?
Me: My sister.
SWEET HOME ALABAMAA
Name something you practiced kissing on as a kid.
Sister. SWEET HOME ALABAMA!
So, I hooked up with a girl at a party, but I forgot that it was a family reunion.
(SWEET HOME ALABAMA STARTS PLAYING)
I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" The man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon."