Accused jokes

Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.

My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."

You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?

Guilty or not guilty?

I was accused of rape, but I swear she was a whore.

My wife accused me of cheating. I told her she started to sound like my wife.

If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"

My girlfriend is 19 and I'm 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant, but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed.

It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary.

I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.

I stepped on a cornflake. They accused me of being a serial killer.

Why did Jack throw his alarm clock out the window?

Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who was accused of knife-raping his wife.

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.