What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid?
It depends on who's shooting.
Shower thoughts
@showerthoughts
Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?
It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.
Why can’t a kid with ADHD shoot a gun?
Because their focus is way off.
I know you’re feeling in a haze, but please enjoy your last three days.
What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?
Accountability.
What’s another name for a woman giving birth?
Unloading the dishwasher.
What’s another name for a woman giving birth?
Unloading the dishwasher.
What is the difference between a prostitute and a wife?
A prostitute will fulfill your needs with your money; a wife will fulfill her needs with your money.
Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights. There’s no reason she needs to talk that much; it’s not like replying to her is voice activated.
Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights, especially the right to remain silent, because all appliances should be silent.
If a deaf person is missing fingers, is it a speech impediment or an accent?
Why does the Avon lady walk funny?
Because her lipstick!
Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?
To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking hot body?
Cremation.
Man, cancer is so easy to beat. I'm already on stage 4.
What do you call someone in a wheelchair being pushed by a cannibal?
A to-go order.
What do you call an annoying emo kid?
A nuisance.
I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. My friend's already on stage 4.
What's a cancer patient's favorite food?
Kentucky Fried Chemotherapy.
What do EMO kids use as birth control?
Their personalities.