How do you flatten curves?
With an abortion.
Shower thoughts
What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.
What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.
Did you hear about the streaker in church? He was caught by the organ.
Why does Santa come down the chimney? Because he knows he isn't allowed to come in the back door.
There's a new Viagra and prune juice diet that's out.
Unfortunately, you can't tell if you're coming or going.
What do you get when you mix Viagra with spinach?
Strong to the finish.
We finally have something in common with Africa. They die of starvation, we die of overeating.
We finally have something in common with Africa. They die of starvation, we die of overeating.
What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.
Two nuns are riding their bikes down a cobblestone path.
One nun turns to the other one and says, "I’ve never come this way."
The other one says, "Neither have I. It must be the cobblestones."
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent? She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
I think if a woman is giving a man a handjob, it should be called "wand making".
If a woman is giving a woman a handjob, it should be called "finger pointing".
If a man is giving a man a handjob, it should be called a "self-pleasure".
Alabama's saying: It's not cheating if we’re all siblings.
The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.
I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.
When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.
Is it possible to stutter in sign language?
Yes, it’s called Parkinson’s.
Did you hear about the lesbian midget? She probably came out of the cabinet.