jack and jill went up the hill to do it in the water. jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter
When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school. At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters
'PNEIS'
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels."
Why is the tower of Pisa leaning Because unlike the twin towers it can doge
A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"
What do you call an autistic kidwith a gun?
Special Forces.
Dark humor is like a dad - not everyone gets it.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.
What's a pedophile's favorite type of garden?
A kindergarden.
Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.
1. My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
2. Oh you’re talking to me, I thought you only talked behind my back.
3. My name must taste good because it’s always in your mouth.
When meeting her parents don't require you to leave the house
what do depressed people and Apple's have in common?
they both hang from trees
Daughter: Dad, what's your opinion on abortions?
Dad: Ask your sister
Daughter: But I don't have a sister
Dad: Exactly
I would name my dog five miles so I could say I walk five miles every day but today I ran over five miles
Roses are red, violets are blue, Shrek thought he was ugly until he saw you.
How do emo kids complement each other? They say I like ya cuts g
Why do gay kids always fail exams ? Becuz they can't think straight
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
Amber Heard’s Morning Routine
Wake Up Eat Breakfast Take a Shit Get Out of Bed
