Worst Jokes Ever

Anonymous

How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?

Stab it twenty three times.

8
Anonymous

What do you do when you finish a magazine at a hospital? Reload and keep shooting

Anonymous
in Marriage

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you wish you had a club and spade.

1
person

“I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, ‘You’re next.’ So I started doing the same to them at funerals, ‘You’re next.’”

Harley

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.

HerpDerpGaming

Why are priests called father? because its too suspicious to call them daddy.

(optional)

The Toaster;

other wise known as, the ultimate bath bomb.

Anonymous
in Orphan

Why do orphans play gta

So they can be wanted

Anonymous
in Marriage

Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!

Anonymous
in School

An old teacher asked her student, “If I say, ‘I am beautiful,’ which tense is that?” The student replied, “It is obviously past.”

Gavboy

My cousin died last week he needed a blood transfusion but we didnt know his blood type he just kept saying “b positive b positive” but its hard to be positive with him gone

Joe Mamma
in Wrong

i got kicked out of the hospital cause i told all the Covid-19 patents to stay positive.

4
YupIAteYourCakeAllToMe

A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says “God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad.” The father says, “Good bye Grandad? Why is that?” The daughter says, “Just because I felt like it.” The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can’t believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter’s prayers again. She says, “God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma.” The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, “Just because I felt like it.” The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn’t know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, “God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy.” The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn’t go home and stays there until midnight. He’s very surprised. ‘I’ve cheated death!’ he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, “Where have you been?!” and the husband says, “Oh don’t ask me any questions, today’s been miserable.” The wife replies, “Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch…”

Sasha

Kids in the backseat make accidents and accidents in the back seat make kids.

Anonymous

“Dad, how do stars die?” – “Usually an overdose.”

Yggdrasil Crimson

I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where i should put my pants. “next to mine” was not the answer i was expecting

7
Sneakyjew

There are some sounds that everyone loves…

  • Shoes on gravel
  • Crackling of fire
  • The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you
  • Cats purring
Anonymous
in Marriage

Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

Anonymous

What flour do you give a orphan

Self raising

2
Prowl

Titanic: “And I’m nominating everyone on board for the Ice Bucket challenge!”