I told the emo girl that I bet she’s jealous of the hanging lights in the gym.
a little boy decided to burn a house down. the father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "thats arson"
my boss told me i have a preoccupation with vengeance...we'll see about that
feeling stressed? have a nice cup of tea and spill it in the lab of the person bothering you.
as i grow older, i remember all the people i lost along the way. maybe tour guide wasn't the right career choice for me...
why was the orphan so sucsessful? when the options were either go big or go home, he only had one option :(
I wrote a book called Endless Love
It’s about a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Hellen Keller
How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her?
They gave her a cheese grater and told her it was a book
used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask.....
Yet here i am, stuck at home in this covid19 Thriller, Beating it.....
Roses are red, potato chips are savory...
The United States prison system is legalized slavery.
I wanted to tell a joke about Jonestown
But the punch line is too long
what do you call a stand up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?????????????
What would Bill Cosby be if he was white
Innocent
How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF" How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW"
How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.
I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
i'll never forget my dads last words before he kicked the bucket: "hey, look how far i can kick this bucket!!"
my girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. fair enough. i gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.
i went to see my dentist and she warned me it was going to hurt. then she told me she was having an affair with my husband. good news though...the cleaning didnt hurt.
my husband left a note on the fridge that said, “this isn’t working.” im not sure what hes talking about. i opened the fridge door and it’s working fine? anyone know what he means?
