I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.
A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"
Worst Jokes Ever
My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.
A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."
(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)
My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A roamin' Catholic.
Why are Christmas trees banned in mental hospitals?
Because the ornaments wouldn't be the only things hanging.
Why did the Jew get an electric car?
Because he was afraid of the gas.
Say "urine egger" five times fast.
Why are there no chemists in Africa?
Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.
If McDonald's is fast food, then Dairy Queen is fast cream.
Why is 10 afraid?
Because he next to 9 and 11.
After an intense workout, I finally have the body I've always dreamed of.
It's in my basement.
Imagine saying "my bad" instead of "sorry for your loss" at a funeral.
At my funeral, take the bouquet off the coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who's next.
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.
For instance, when you push them down the stairs.
What’s the best thing about making out with dead girls?
They can’t say no.
