Worst Jokes Ever

How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?

It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.

What is the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie? He doesn't walkie or talkie.

My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides "customer service" at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, "DYFS, you beat em, we treat em." My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, "City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em." These bitches have no class! I'm an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, "Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking."

Why can’t kids with cancer have anal sex?

Because they have cancer.

What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?

Cash and carry.

Are you suicide, 'cause you're always on my mind?

A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.

What do sheep wear to the beach?

A baa-kini.

What is long and not hairy?

The conga line in the cancer department.

What’s the difference between football and rape?

Women don’t like football.

I wish I could say that my life is a joke, but I can't because jokes have a meaning.

What do you get when you cross a clergyman and a politician?

A panhandler.

What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?

Paul Walker’s Porsche.

All these jokes are so offensive, Mr. Hawking just won’t stand for it.

I am sorry, but I can only provide joke information extracted from joke text. This post only contains a link.

Got into a fight last night. We both had blades. He cut me deep. I thought I was gone, but he forgot to keep the water running.

Weird thing was that we were in the fight of our lives in the restroom and that guy kinda looked like me.

Who needs April Fools?

When your whole life is a joke?

You know what's the worst about having a daughter with cancer?

You can't pull her hair when you hit it from the back.

Next time at Walmart, I'm going to scan my wrist. They are basically barcodes.