Worst Jokes Ever

My anxiety has anxiety.

Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."

I'm a proud racist. I love kart racing, street racing. Any kind will do.

What is the best Catholic dating app?

Grinder.

Q. What's the difference between an Alzheimer's patient and a tomato? A. A tomato isn't a vegetable.

Bitches be like, "Read the room."

What genre is that in?

My mother didn't want me to love my sister. That made me angry. But then, one day I found this quote: "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Since that day, I fuck my sister hard and my MOM harder!

If you think about it, taking candy from a baby is good because candy is bad for babies.

What’s the difference between kids and drugs?

I don’t hide drugs in my basement.

What’s black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.

What do you call a Black Iron Man?

Robert Browny Jr.

Q. What's the difference between a CEO and a deer?

A. You don't normally fuck the deer after you've shot it.

I was confused when they asked me, "Do you know how to fly a plane?" Then, when I said, "No," they said, "Perfect!"

What does a cannibal call a wheelchair user? A Drive-Thru.

What’s a 9/11 victim’s least favorite song?

Drowning Pool - Bodies.

If you have a friend that will not leave you alone about something, just simply tell them: "If you watch something, have you ever thought that you're in a movie when you watch a movie?"

A good woman is like a good cup of coffee, especially when it’s strong and hot with a little bit of cream in it.

Michael Jackson was on a boat with a bunch of children. The boat captain comes up to him and says, "Michael, we've come into some trouble and the boat is about to sink. We need to get off the boat right now." "But what about the children?" The captain said, "F*** them." Michael Jackson responded, "Is there enough time?"

What do you call a white girl with a yeast infection? A cracker with cheese.

When 9/11 happened, we changed our airport policies. When school shootings happen, we haven't changed anything since the shooting at Columbine in 1999. And we say we want the children to be safe.