Worst Jokes Ever
Don't steal. That's the government's job.
What's the difference between milk and a cancer patient?
There's none, they both don't age well.
Why don’t midgets wear tampons?
Because they’ll trip over the string.
Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?
What do you call two natives in a sleeping bag?
Twix.
What's the difference between a grenade and your wife? There's none. Take out the ring and half of the house is gone.
My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.
What do you call two natives in a ditch?
A sleepover.
What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?
Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!
Most of these jokes are plane, but they still hit.
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.
Why do women love Chinese food? Because WON TON spelled backward is NOT NOW!
3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that always comes out of your mouth?
If someone calls you fat, just ignore them. You are bigger than that!
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something good.
What did the 9/11 survivor say when he went back to his family? "You won't believe it! The Twin Towers became conjoined twins when it happened!"