Worst Jokes Ever

I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.

I told my therapist I feel suicidal. He charged me in advance.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.

"Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too."

Roses are red, I need a broom, I just shit all over the bathroom.

I said I’m losing my mind. My friend said, “You didn’t have much to begin with.”

Rip Juice WRLD.

My dog is called Syndrome. He jumps up at me and I shout, "Down, Syndrome! Down, Syndrome!"

What does Michael Jackson say when it gets hot?

He-he-eat!

Who's there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting c—

MOO!

What's the difference between a sheet and a baby?

One of them is really loud when you iron it.

My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.

I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.

On September 11, 2001, I was in geometry class.

On that day, we learned you can remove one side of a pentagon by intersecting it with a plane.

Sometimes, you've got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.

"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."

I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.

If a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird black babies, what bird brings no babies?

A swallow.

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.

He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?

A can't opener.

Yo momma so slutty, she could use a tank truck as a dildo.

My wife treats me like God!

She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.