Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe?

Fur Traders.

I'm so skinny, I could use floss as a noose.

What do Madeline McCann and a submarine have in common?

Both are at the bottom of the ocean full of seamen!

I forgot what a boomerang was. Oh well, it’ll come back to me.

I saw a robbery at the Apple store.

Am I an iWitness?

So, I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company.

Everyone is mad, but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Shrek thought he was ugly until he saw you.

Yo mama so vegetarian that she loves the Vegan Teacher!

How did Michael Jackson die?

Because he danced like a zombie!

Todoroki POV: All he can think about is Deku.

What's the only good part of your crush dying before you have the chance to bang her?

She can't say no!

My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.

Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"

At baseball practice...

"Hey John, did you bring the bucket of balls?"

"No, but I got two right here."

I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.

Life is like a penis: simple, soft, relaxed, and hanging free, until a woman comes around and makes it hard.

I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.

What day is international terrorist day?

September 11th, 2001.

When Kobe's pilot hit the mountain, he said, "Kobe."

Why did the orphan become a stripper?

So she could have someone to call daddy.

Why did Helen Keller sign the n-word?

She thought she was black.