Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! What is incest?
Mom: Shut up and keep licking.
Worst Jokes Ever
I like my couches like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.
The Columbine High School basketball team hasn't been the same since they lost their two best shooters.
What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?
McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Tequila.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says, “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies, “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies, “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent, and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Ok, now what?”
I go in to get a prostate exam. I'm nervous, but the doctor says it's all natural and needs to be done.
So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.
That's when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts to do it.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he isn't coming to you.
What's worse than 3 babies in one trashcan?
One baby in three trashcans.
Why do they bury Germans 20 feet down when they die, instead of the usual 6 feet? Because deep down, Germans are ok.
Donald Trump being president is the biggest joke.
A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.
“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.
“It’s because God made you special,” she said.
“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”
Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.
Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.
What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?
The wall behind him.
Mama Mia's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is our sauce.
Two lesbians adopted a cat. That night, the cat ran away. Why?
Because it heard one say, "I'm gonna eat that pussy."
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight?
Alien vs Predator.
