Worst Jokes Ever

There are three states you don't mess with when trying to take over the United States:

Alaska because they have three times more guns than people because of the bears.

Texas because, well, it's Texas. Where else have all of the guns been going?

Lastly, Florida. Florida is the absolute definition of Trigger Happy Redneck.

I (DYM 61).

Alright ALYA and drew ALYA's boyfriend!! Have a good fucking life, I hardly even think drew is real but uk whatever I've passed on but DREW if u fucking wanna beef, I'll fight u bro, ur prob a stick, I'm fucking doing push ups 4 times a week 100 each.

I bought drugs today.

What do you do when you run out of lines on your book?

You look at the emo girl and say, "Hey, can I borrow your arm?"

My wife said if I don't get off the computer, she's gonna slam my head into the keyboard, but I think I'll ajlkfsdhnvkwr;anhf.

Why did two dumb blondes put condoms on the cow's udders because they wanted the cow to practice safe sex?

I will make more jokes tomorrow.

I was anonymous with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*."

What's black and white and red all over? A mime I hit with my car.

I cried when my dad cut onions.

Onions was a good dog.

I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.

Why did the dumb blonde take a shower outside of the house while it was raining?

Because the dumb blonde did not pay the water bill!

I always say I'm single, which annoys my wife.

Life is too short, just like me. Get roasted, short people!

"This vacuum sucks!"

Vacuum: "Yes, I do."

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer.

Ok, I found this off of an internet meme, this isn't original:

*grabbing kid* Harambe: Ok kid, I don't have much time, but Obama's last name is- *gunshot*

When I was 8, my sister was half my age. I am 60 now, how old is my sister?

Comments: 30! Give me an easier question next time!

Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!

Dad: Uh...

*hides his rifle*

Man: Hey Siri!

Siri: Yes?

Man: I'm desperate, will you marry me?

Siri: Uh...

*phone literally explodes*