Worst Jokes Ever
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
I had a JFK joke, but it went right through my head.
Why is it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it.
Why do white people own a lot of pets?
Because they're not allowed to own people anymore.
“The difference between Asians and Caucasians is the cau-”.
My girlfriend went to Tokyo, and she died in the tsunami.
Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean."
What's the similarity between a pepperoni pizza and Freddy Krueger?
They both have red circles on their bodies.
Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.
Q: What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?
A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
TV: Water found on Mars...
Mars: 1
Africa: 0
Why did I give an orphan the iPhone X?
Because it is the first one without a home button.
My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.
I hung something else instead.
So, I was walking around the outside of the building and I saw a kid and asked, "Where's your parents?" I love working at the orphanage.
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
What do you call a stand-up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?
A robot walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender is flabbergasted that a robot can do that.
"New around here?" said the bartender.
"Nah, been here a while," said the robot.
Bartender "You can talk?"
Robot "Yeah, pretty cool, huh."
Bartender "Why do you want a martini?"
Robot "Oh, I'm just in the mood for one, you know?"
The bartender is shocked to see a robot making completely normal small talk.
The robot seems to be just like a normal human.
"Wow, who programmed you?" asked the bartender.
"The top minds in the world," said the robot.
The robot speaks again, "I have a question for you..."
Bartender, "What?"
"Why did you read this entire story? It does not have a punchline. I just wasted your time. Get bamboozled, nerd!"
Do you know what the F in orphan is for...
Family.
What do you call an inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.