Worst Jokes Ever

Your wife dumped you because you are so poor and you are so ugly. You also live under a rock and have no money. You got dumped so hard you can't remember you got dumped.

What did the titanic say as it was sinking?

I nominate all the passengers to the ice bucket challenge.

What is long and black?

The line at Popeyes.

what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?

people go there to fix their mistakes.

Apparently, rich people have the smallest penises. It makes sense why Bill Gates called it "MicroSoft."

Why can't an orphan get married? It doesn't have its parents' blessing.

My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realizes I've replaced the bed with a trampoline!

Why did the Japanese NOT shoot down the American plane that was dropping atomic bombs?

From what their eyes saw, it was a piece of rice.

Guys, we need to stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents might get upset. Oh, wait... never mind.

What can you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing that you haven't told her twice already.

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."

Kid 1: "As if."

Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."

Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.

Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!

Jeffrey Dahmer was craving 5 Guys before it was a restaurant.

I'm holding an African themed party tomorrow. There is no food, and the drinks are 10 miles away!

When Leicester City won the league in 2015/16, do you think there was a little lad in Africa running around with "Drinkwater" on his back, annoying the hell out of the locals?

Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...

I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...

He could have married her!

Why did so many people die in the Grenfell Fire Disaster in London?

All the exit signs were in English.

On the plus side, Nicola Bulley no longer has a problem with alcohol.

Your hairline is so ugly, I thought you were Shrek!

My friend told me I was so dark that I had no bright ideas.