Worst Jokes Ever
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."
Me: Ok so let's get this straight....
Cop: I'm not straight ok, now get in the car.
Me: But I didn't do anything?
Cop: No.
Me: So why are you arresting me then?
Cop: Imma tell you a story.
Me: Oh no.......
Cop: I know, now come on.
Me: Ok where?
Cop: My room.
Me: Which room?
Cop: My bedroom.
Me: 😱I'm a girl.
Cop: So am I, now get in.
Me: But I'm 9.
Cop: I'm 59.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Well, at least one gets picked.
What did I say to the bridge?
Bye, bridge.
My arm has a different texture than the rest of me, lol.
My friend said an apple a day keeps the orphan away. I said only if you throw it hard enough.
You are so fat that when you jump into the pool, everyone gets out.
What's the difference between me and a hairdresser? We both cut too much.
I know this place may be cruel, but hang in there!
What is the similarity of a bomb and a baby?
When you drop them both, everyone screams.
When your mum went to the UK and wore a yellow jacket, everyone started yelling "Taxi! Taxi!"
Q: What do bloods eat when they get sick?
A: Chicken noodle suwoop.
Why do orphans go to church?
So they can call someone father!
Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"
Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."
You learn from the best.
Q: Why can’t orphans be criminals?
A: They are not wanted.
People wear chokers, and I'm a choker too, because I tried to choke myself 6 times.
Who is the definition of a natural-born cocksucker?
A bisexual male, a homosexual male, a bisexual female, or a heterosexual female?
A physically disabled heterosexual male.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
The snowballs.
Yo momma's so ugly, her birth certificate was an apology letter.
What animal can jump the highest?
Emo kids because once they go up they never come back.