Worst Jokes Ever
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said:
"F*ck off! You won’t bring it back."
I dated a girl, and I didn’t know she was previously in an abusive relationship.
I thought she just REALLY hated high-fives.
Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushion.
I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.
What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
Spelling!
What time would it be if Godzilla came to school? Time to run!
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school? Because her students were so bright.
Which school supply is king of the classroom? A ruler.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school? Hisssssstory.
What does an 80-year-old woman taste like?
Depends.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up like an altar boy.
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
What do Christians and gays have in common?
They both say, “Oh God” when they get on their knees.
The brain named itself, and when the brain realized that it named itself, it was surprised.
But maybe, it was a spelling mistake and the brain wanted the name Brian. We all have a little Brian in us!
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
What’s better than winning gold at the Paralympics?
Walking.
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
They don’t want to be mistaken for a feminist.
What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.
Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown and end up cleaning everyone's messes.
What do 9/10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.