Worst Jokes Ever
When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he's pushing the Earth down.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she goes into a bank, they turn off the cameras.
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will write Perl programs.
Yo mama is so nasty, she buys sex toys at the second-hand shop.
Yo mama stops at the PokeStop... to buy a Big Mac.
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the beach, the people shout, "Free Willy!"
A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, "I thought you guys only drink blood?"
The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I'm making tea."
Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
What is brown and smelly? Is it a fart? Is it a carcass? Wrong, it's a dirty toilet.
I would build you a monument so that you would finally come up with clever thoughts.
I throw a flashbang in a room full of epileptics...
They were shaking in excitement!
I saw two deaf people talking shit about me in sign language.
So I turned off the lights.
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
The weird moaning sounds when you try to slide in the back door.
Followed by slipping in Kentucky (KY) Jelly.
Followed by landing in deep shit.
Followed by being totally covered in sea men.
"Thank you for letting me borrow your wife."
*darned autocorrect*
"Thank you for letting me borrow your wi-fi"
How can you tell a woman's pussy is good?
You smell her fingers.
You should never suppress a fart. It travels up the spine high into the brain. That's where the shit ideas come from.
Better to drink until you wave it off than to wave it down.
What would you call a cat royal’s descendants?
A feline.
I told my lesbian friends, "I wanna watch," so they bought me a Timex®.
It takes a licking and keeps on ticking.
What's the worst thing to say at a live birth?
"Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"