My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
Why are gay people bad at hide and seek?
Because they're always coming out of the closet
What is a kidnapper’s favorite shoe
White Vans
A man walked into a library. He asked the librarian, "Have you got a book on how to commit suicide?" The librarian replied, "no you'd never bring it back!"
what do you call an Asian receptionist?
Tai ping
As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers.
I have a fish that can breakdance only for 20 seconds and he can only do it once
What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger
A woman went out on a date and said “I’m thirty one with the body of a sixteen year old” the man responded “wanna show me?😏” the woman took him back to her house and opened her freezer and said, “take a look”
i got sent out of a library for putting a womens rights book in the fiction section.
you know what really gets me under my skin when im down? sharpener blades
What is stronger than family?
The tree Paul Walker hit.
Why aren’t orphan jokes funny? The punchline isn’t apparent.
When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A
What’s the worst thing to do at a funeral
The corpse
Who needs April fools..
When your whole life is a joke?
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they all Beat the room for being black.
What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely? Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.
Do gay midgets come out of the cabinet?