My mom asked, "Why are you so depressed? It could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer."
I replied, "I wish I were Tracy Latimer because then someone would kill me."
A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.
Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."
What's the different between a Nazi and an onion? If you cut a Nazi, nobody is crying.
I just had sex...
I think I nailed it! (shit joke, I know)
A kid and an apple fall from tree? Who will reach ground first?
Apple because kid is hanging on the tree with rope.
Why don't parents get school shooting jokes? They're aimed at a younger audience.
why disable people do not like comedians? bcoz they do stand up
who is the most horny and fat ass god? - kim jung un
I asked my friend what happened to him? His balance shifted.
How do you know the baby's dead, The dog plays with it more
My dad told me "No electronics at the table", so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
"I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now."
Boys are like minis
girls are like big pots
Minis always come first. don't think about sex boys, be men
what do blind kids and orphans have in common
they can't see there parents
Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? - Everywhere.
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
You are so scary that even your hairline ran away.
Jeffery Epstein killed Hitler
This is not a joke. Stop online dating.
dude what if 9/11 happened becuase they wanted slavery back
