Worst Jokes Ever
It’s like I always tell my kids:
"Two in the pink, one in the stink."
I read a sign. What it meant to say is, "You matter, don't give up." What I read was, "You don't matter, give up."
What do you call an LGBTQ person getting grilled? LGBBQ.
I don't got a pencil or pen in this bookbag. Added like ten to the clip 'cause it look bad. Don't give a fuck if you pissed, nigga, get mad. Or you can bitch and get killed with your bitch ass. Lil' bro got blood on his shirt with his Crip ass. Go write a diss and get murked, don't do shit ass. Bitch, I'm a star, I might burst with my stiff ass. Hop out the car like, "Who want it? Who with that?" I don't know nothin', I was gone when they did that. Bandana wrapped where my chrome and my wig at. If he want beef, hit his home with a Big Mac. Niggas be breakin' the code like a Kit-Kat. Runnin' your mouth like a ho get you bitch-slapped.
I bought an orphan kid an iPhone.
Guess what? It had no home button.
My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?
Octopus, more like octopussy.
If bedbugs live in beds, where do cockroaches live?
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
What do Orphans say on Father's Day?
Well, not "Happy Father's Day."
Yo mama so fat you can see her from 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 galaxies away!
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."
Me: Hey, are you going to Sawcon?
Sensei: What is that?
Me: Saw con deez nu...
Sensei: Oh, is it for people with ligma?
Me: What’s ligm...
Sensei: 😈
Me: no no no no
Sensei: Ligma ba...
Are you Roblox? 'Cuz I wanna play ya all day.
What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?
It's Morphine Time.
Instead of the line, "This girl's on fire," my friend can relate to, "The baby in the oven's on fire, and I need to take it the f*ck out!"
Are you Shane Dawson?
Because I can be your pussy.
My girlfriend's a two, but she's turning three tomorrow.
What is Spiderman's favorite rice?
Uncle Ben's.
One time, me and the bois got drunk and we were on the freeway...
...when the road was closed because a wild animal species named “The Cult” was on the loose.