Worst Jokes Ever
I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"
Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.
"Son, I found a condom in your room."
"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"
"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"
"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."
The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologized to the Olympic Committee after realizing that sailing and shooting were two separate events.
I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.
I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.
Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant.
Jesus: "A table for 26, please." Headwaiter: "But there's only... 13 of you?" Jesus: "Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."
My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.
What rock group has four men that don't sing? -- Mount Rushmore.
Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth-theist.
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...
"Lazy."
What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they are, the more spaced out they get.
Why does the blonde stand in a corner when she's cold?
Because it's 90 degrees.
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.