Worst Jokes Ever
I found a dog outside a store, so I took him home with me.
The dog was standing outside a blind supplies store.
Lynx, where the fuck are you? This is Dagger Jr. (Proof in comments).
Yo mama is so stupid, she thought keeping you was a good idea!
An old professor’s class used to begin with a dirty joke.
Following one particularly vulgar joke, the girls in the class decided to walk out the next time he began.
When the professor learned of this planned protest, he came in the next morning and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear about the scarcity of whores in Newfoundland?”
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
“Wait, ladies,” called the professor, “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”
I know 5 fat people; you're 4 of them.
What is the difference between Michael Phelps and Hitler?...
Michael Phelps can finish a race.
Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?
It scares the shit out of her dog.
Why does a queen have more mobility than the king in chess?
Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.
"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
Dagger. This is to get your attention, for Dagger Jr. and I. We'd like to speak with you, and possibly Lynx, if we can find a time to all talk.
How do you know you’re ugly?
If you always get handed the camera for group photos.
What does a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
Wet noses.
Kid #1: You're adopted.
Kid #2: At least they wanted me.
Kid #1: Did your real parents want you?
Your mum so fat that when she sat down she said, "Why are there so many people under me?"
I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.
I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."
What is the most awkward moment when Helen Keller is playing pin the tail on the donkey?
Her friends aren’t sure whether to blindfold her.
What do you call AG?
A beta male.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
[pause] You said you’d never forget.
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.