Worst Jokes Ever
A guy barges into a psychiatrist’s office and screams, “Doctor! I have suicidal tendencies! What do I do?!”
The doctor calmly answers, “Pay me in advance.”
What does a cannibal do after eating its vegetables?
Sells the wheelchair.
yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it told her "I wanted your weight not your phone number."
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
I believe Alia is a true god because they say in the beginning there was an explosion.
Why did God build a stairway to heaven?
So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.
I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."
Like a shooter says, "I put the fun in funeral!"
What's an old Japanese man's last words?
"Hey, that cloud looks like a mushroom, or is it just me?"
I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.
All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."
How do you turn a cat into a fish?
Tell your girl not to wash down there.
Your hairline is like the economy, it's going down.
My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.
I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.
What bee doesn’t fly properly?
Kobe.
Girls are like blackjack.
I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.
It's illegal to go onto someone's property, demand money that they might not have while wearing all black, and threaten horrible things if they don't pay.
But when the IRS does it, it's perfectly fine. HMMMMM . . .
Me to friend: I'm homeschooled.
Friend: If I was homeschooled, I'd kms.
Me: Oh, I already tried that.
A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."
"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.
After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."
Why were the Twin Towers angry on 9/11?
Because they ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got instead was plane.
What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself?
A hypoteNUSE!