Worst Jokes Ever
Your hairline is so bad that KSI's hairline actually looks normal.
I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.
He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
My grandma asked me if I could visit her.
I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.
A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.
The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."
The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."
The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.
What do you call an Asian who gets a B?
It's not a B-sian.
Dead.
What’s the difference between black matter and Black Lives Matter?
Black matter leaves an impact.
What did Hitler get for his birthday?
A G.I. Jew and an Easy Bake Oven.
what do you call an American looking at cloud shapes?
Oppenheimer
My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.
So I had him bring my wife.
I think God is cool with abortion.
After all, he did kill his only son.
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw them some laundry.
My girlfriend gave me the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.
I would never slap a woman, then I’d be destroying property.
My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.
I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
What do you call two gay Irishmen?
Patrick Fitz Gerald, and Gerald Fitz Patrick.
Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff?
Neither did I until I found his Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.
Why do orphans enjoy playing tennis?
It's the only way they’ll get love.
What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?
Christianity.