Worst Jokes Ever
What's better than eight kids in a dustbin?
One kid in eight dustbins.
Can you drive a pizza? Of course, as long as you change the olive oil.
Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK.
I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.
What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic.
Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.
Don’t worry if you have a stroke.
You’ll be all right.
Did you know that, statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile? Not me though, not me though; I live next door to a lil 10 year old boy with a FAT ASS yenno what I'm sayin'???
What is the most expensive haircut? Chemotherapy.
So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.
Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
Not all self-harmers are emo, but all emos self-harm.
Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to go through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them, "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven."
The first guy says, "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times." The angel gives him an old model pick up. The second guy says, "11 years and only once," and is granted a Mercedes.
The last man says, "20 years and not once. I loved her with all my heart," and with the angel impressed, he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later, the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says, "I know we are dead, but it could be much worse."
The guy looks up and says, "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard!"