Worst Jokes Ever
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.
Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whisper, "Hello."
"Is your Mummy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with her?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with him?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to the ambulancemen and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."
Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"
What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?
A hoedown.
What is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.
I’m a faux pa.
I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.
The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Are there any girls here?”
The bartender says, “No, only women.”
The man then leaves.
JFK and Abe Lincoln were some of the most open-minded presidents ever.
Friend 1: *turns off lights*
Friend 2: *is there with us*
Me: Woah! Where did friend 2 go?!
UU looks like boobies, hehe.
What did the Twin Towers say to each other?
Sorry if that offended anyone.
“I guess we are going down together!”
What do gingers miss most at a grate party?
The invitation.
Did you hear that Joe contracted Sugondese Ligma on his trip to Suggon, and now he won’t be able to make it to Saw Con?
Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.
That’s about to become a rope around my neck.
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.
He said the ATM outside.
What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party. A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party—except you.
How did the hamburger know he needed new pants?
His buns were too tight.
What’s the best part about sex with twenty eight year olds?
There are twenty of them.
I'm adopted :[