Worst Jokes Ever
I've been trying to find jokes about gouging my eyes out, but I couldn't see any.
A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"
One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?
A chill pill.
I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...
I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.
Tyler
Why do people with Down syndrome always look funny?
It’s their funny face.
Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.
The other day, I donated my car keys, $1,000, and a passport to a homeless man.
You could feel the happiness come from me after he holstered his suppressed shotgun.
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
Dark jokes are like Antarctica.
They're cold.
What's brown and hurts your teeth?
A chocolate?
No. A baseball bat in my hands.
Wanna hear a plane joke? Nah, it'll just go over your head.
Whoever killed Adolf Hitler is MY hero!
I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.
What's that stupid girl in your class called?
Thot.
There's no "I" in team, but there is a "U" in cunt.
God, I miss Stephen Hawking.
He was brainier than Kurt Cobain's ceiling.
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says, "Okay, I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts." So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says, "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says, "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop.
The doctor says, "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me?" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."