Worst Jokes Ever
What do you call a man who plays Fortnite 24/7?
A: A virgin.
Why is 7 afraid of 6?
Because 7 is a vegetarian and 6 is a cannibal.
My grandfather died at Auschwitz.
Poor fella fell off the guard tower.
What body part do pigs have that humans don’t have?
A hambone.
What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?
A: Where's the holy baby?
So Jesus has been nailed to the cross.
On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter!"
Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.
On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.
On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus and says, "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important?"
Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here!"
Why did little sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
What did sally get for Christmas?
Gloves! Only joking...she still hasn’t opened the box.
Q. What did Hitler give his niece for her birthday?
A. An easy bake oven.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal; its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
How do Asians name their kids?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
The good thing about dead baby jokes is that they never get old.
What's better than throwing up a stillborn?
Making your wife eat it again.
Some people think "prison" is one word, but to robbers, it's a whole sentence.
Why did Jack throw his alarm clock out the window?
Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who was accused of knife-raping his wife.
Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
What did the North tower say to the south tower? "Sorry, can't talk, got to catch a plane."
The only reason Stephen Hawking died is because he forgot to update to the latest version of Microsoft.
I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.
We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.
Wanna hear some famous last words?
"We are just experiencing some turbulence."