Worst Jokes Ever
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
An optimist says, "The glass is half full."
A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."
A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."
Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
Why did Shakespeare only write using quills?
Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
I believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.
ISIS recently brought out a new shampoo.
Head and Shoulders!
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.
Why did the dick go insane?
Someone kept messing with his head.
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?
They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.
Just give me my money (clap clap clap).
What’s missing from an orphan's iPad?
The home button.
How can you tell your best friend is gay?
His meat tastes like shit.
Why does OSHA require women to wear panties?
Because every manhole needs a cover.
Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.
Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.
Did you make your bed this morning? Wanna unmake it together?
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!
You must be ice cream because I wanna lick you up.