Worst Jokes Ever
What do orgasms and impulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
His hand caught on fire.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.
What did God say when he made the first woman?
"Where is your dick at?"
What is the difference between white people and coal?
It’s bad for the environment to burn coal.
We send millions of mosquito nets to Africa; we can save millions of mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.
What’s faster than a black guy with the TV?
His little brother with the console.
Why can't orphans have cookies?
They are home made.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday, which sucks because I wanted her to flow further down.
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
What do you call a dog turd in China?
Waste of food.
Hey, pass me that crowbar, please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home.
Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.
I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.
What do you do when a woman is choking?
Back up a couple inches.
An optimist says, "The glass is half full."
A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."
A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."
Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
Why did Shakespeare only write using quills?
Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.
How do you get a black girl to suck your meat?
Put barbecue sauce on it.
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
I believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.