Worst Jokes Ever

Sniff a liter of petrol. You'll go back to the dream time at.

What did the downs kid get on his math test??

Drool.

I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."

Why are orphans bad at poker?

They don't know what a full house is.

Sixty years ago, Stephen Hawking's teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams, kids. Reach for the stars.

Today, my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings. When my brother walked past, my mom asked me a question: "What do you think of going through kids' heads during a school shooting?" That's when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom, "Bullets." We don't talk about this anymore.

What do you call nuts on your chest? Chestnuts.

What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts.

What do you call nuts on your chin? A blowjob.

What do you do when your dishwasher breaks down?

You punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.

This Chinese girl didn't know what a sausage roll was, so I replied, "It's like a spring roll with sausage in it, but not any dog or cat how you have it."

What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.

Pep called; they want their unpadded bra back.

There is an upside to being an orphan. Every bag of chips is family size.

My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.

Let's not make any more Indian jokes. All your jokes are trash. Please stop.

A retard won a break-dancing competition. All he did was go to get a drink.

If Stephen Hawking is dying, where do I take him, Currys PC World, or a hospital?

Why do I only date orphans?

Because they never have daddy issues.

I have a penis.

How's that for a fucking joke? It's not a joke. It's terrible.

500 thumbs down and I'll lop off my dick with a razor.

What do you call an orphan's family tree? A stump.

My sister's boyfriend is mad at me because I fucked his girl.