Worst Jokes Ever
After a surgery, a man claimed he couldn't feel his legs. I replied, "Of course not, I amputated your fucking arms!"
The teacher asks her class, "What is sex?" and Little Jonny stands up and says, "Sex is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl's destination. Did you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?" and the teacher fainted.
I am disabled and I find these jokes appropriately hilarious.
How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”
My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are.
What do you call a creepy IT teacher?
A PDF file.
What’s pink, rusty, and covered in cobwebs?
Madeline McCann's bike.
If Martin Luther King were white, what would they call him?
Alive.
Hot women with big boobs work at Hooters, but where does a handicap woman work?
IHOP.
How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.
My friend: "Yo, stupid."
Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?"
My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever."
Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."
How many communists does it take to change a lightbulb? Never enough.
Me: Knock knock.
Friend: Who's there?
Me: I don't know anymore.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad influence on children?
Because he only looks one way when crossing the road.
Why did the Chicken cross the road?
It didn’t, it ran because it was running from KFC.
How did the necrophiliac get caught?
Some rotten cunt split on him....
My happiest moment in life was getting a positive grade on my H.I.V. test without studying.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.