Worst Jokes Ever
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.
What did the Indian say to the fat man?
"Curry up!"
Who's a pineapple? I'm a pineapple... Yass.
Teacher and kid.
Kid: Hey, teacher.
Teacher: Yes?
Kid: Would you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not.
Kid: Well, I didn't do my homework!
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.
This is a lot like anal sex.
You always miss 100% of the shots if you don't take it.
What did Cermet the frog say at Jim Henson's funeral?
Nothing...
If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become.
On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again.
“Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,
Then the speed bump starts screaming.
When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
¿Qué hizo el cartero enojado?
Estampó su feeeeeeet!!!
Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said, "Honey, I'm flat chested." The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex.
The next day, the wife said, "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said, "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."
What do you call a Mongolian swindler?
A Khan artist.
Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.
My Smoothie Ingredients: - Bananas - Strawberry - The Blood of my ex - Peanut Butter
Are you a Samsung Galaxy Note 7? Because I want to explode in you!