Worst Jokes Ever

There's a movie about constipation. It hasn't come out yet.

Two men are hunting. One asks: "Did you ever hunt bear?" The other one answers: "No, but one time I went fishing in my shorts."

You know what the yin and yang looked like before Martin Luther King Jr.?

There was none, it was all white!

Q: What's the difference between me and cancer?

A: My dad didn't beat cancer...

Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.

Not done yet.

Now they are.

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the Statue of Liberty? The statue stands for something.

To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I'm still here.

Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?

Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Son: Why?

Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.

What's the difference between a man and a table?

The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.

How did Helen Keller's mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.

There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."

What's the difference between putting a baby and a pizza in an oven?

The pizza doesn't scream in the oven.

What is black and white and red all over?

JFK

The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.

What movie do atheists watch for Christmas?

"Coincidence on 34th Street."

Steven Hawking said there is no God,

Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.

I know a girl in a wheelchair. I realize now why she couldn’t do sports because the coaches wanted 100% from her, but she was only able to give 50%.

What do you call a bunch of Aboriginals rolling down a hill?

Abo-lanche.

Why did Hitler get hit by a car? Because he did Nazi that coming!