Worst Jokes Ever
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
Adding a "gl" in front of "camping" doesn't make it any better.
If you add a "gl" in front of "Adolf Hitler," it doesn't make him a great guy.
My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said, "You better come back with a goddamn sandwich!"
The ones you hate most are also the ones who are by your side most.
What made me laugh?
The fact that my life is a joke."
Me: Wanna play 9/11?
Friend: What's that?
Me: It's a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.
What kind of fish comes out at night?
A starfish.
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley!
The boobs was funny tbh... But the last was rude.
What kind of bagel can fly?
A plain.
Why wasn’t the cheese 🧀 happy?
It was blue 😔.
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
What’s pink, black and has 17 nipples?
A trash can behind the cancer ward.
What do ghosts put on their bagels 🥯?
Scream cheese.
Someone asked me if I've ever tried to kill myself. I responded, "Absolutely. A few times actually. I'm just not very good at it."
What is boring? Talking about boring things.
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
Do you know why I wish grass was emo? So it can cut itself.
Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?
Because she loves raisin kids.
What kind of dreams do hotels have?
Suite dreams.