Worst Jokes Ever
Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
What do you call a Mexican Baptism?
Bean Dip.
I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said, "I'm a frayed knot."
What's the hardest part of running through a field of dead babies?
My boner.
The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.
I would tell you a construction pun, but I'm still working on it.
My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.
I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.
No pun in ten did.
So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.
Why did God create gay men? So fat girls could dance.
I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."
What do you call a priest that is a furry?
A Catholic.
A German soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her."
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
How to treat someone who’s lesbian, gay, queer, transgender or bisexual?
The same way that you would treat anybody else, you homophobic bastard.
Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them... But I was just wondering... should I keep the letters?
I heard a joke about chocolate bars, and it wasn't that funny. So I just snickered.
What do you call a rich Chinese person?!? Kaching!
How do you execute a retard?
The Electric Wheelchair.
So, a daughter asks her father, "Dad, what is your opinion on abortions?" Her father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?" The daughter responds, "But I don't have a sister... Oh."