Worst Jokes Ever

How do they execute paraplegics?

With the electric wheelchair.

What's Thanos' favorite game?

Half-life.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an ugly girl? The Twin Towers at least got fucked.

What is the difference between the rook and the bishop? The rook goes straight, while the bishop moves diagonally.

What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?

They never get old.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to his job at KFC!

Having an abortion will make you so tired... it literally sucks the life out of you.

A pedophile brings his eight-year-old daughter to the doctor's office. The doctor asked her if she would like some candy? Her father replies, "Please, no more candy for her. I gave her enough today."

What did the lungs say to the cigar?

"You take my breath away..."

Why did the pedophile cross the road?

Because there was a school on the other side.

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Dark, rich, and imported.

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Of course not! He got nailed before he died.

What do you call a bad amputation?

A rip-off.

A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?

The wiener.

Why did the liberal cross the road?

(Ah, fuck this shit, I'm gonna kill myself!)

I'll never forget my boss's last words: "We shall serve the best meat in our burgers!"

You want to hear a 9/11 joke?

I bet they did too!

When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?

Woman one: "I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell!"

Woman two: "Did that work?"

Woman one: "Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house."