Worst Jokes Ever
What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don't care if she has one.
The fat kid asked the teacher, "Is Godzilla real?" The teacher said, "They're standing right in front of me."
Why is Johnson's baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?
- No more tears.
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
Why do some men call their testicles "bells"? Because it's next to their "ding-dong."
You know the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"? Apparently, Santa's the mailman.
(just a joke) My grandfather was involved in 9/11. I’ve kept his pilot medals for how good of a pilot he was.
Best friend: Dude, your sister is hot, I'd hit that.
Me: Already did. SWEET HOME ALABAMA
What does Stephen Hawking say after sex? That was wheely good.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil?
One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning...
When I'm bored, I text a random number, "I hid the body... now what?"
Why is Fairy's washing up liquid the best form of lubricant for anal sex?
No more tears.
I don't have much motivation for things, that's why I haven't yet killed myself, hehe.
If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?
Why do pedophiles go to a nursery?
Early access.
Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
I like my women like my family, they’re related.
What do you call a chair that smokes weed?
A high chair.
When meeting her parents doesn't require you to leave the house.
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.