Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"

Teacher: Ok class, I'm going to ask a question about your family.

Alex: Miss, my Dad died in 9/11.

Teacher: OH NO, I'M SO SORRY!

Alex: Don't worry miss. It was only Dad and besides, he did what he wanted before he died.

Teacher: What was that?

Alex: Flew the plane.

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  • Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”

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  • I don't like to use the word "kidnapping". So I just use the term: "surprise adoption."

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  • I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked, "What are you drawing?" I said, "You taking a shower."

    My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”

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  • What’s the relationship between a pedophile and a light bulb? They're both meant for dark rooms.

    Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died...

    His version was to be called "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"...

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  • I hate when I lose my white friends in the snow and my black friends in the dark. Where do I lose my friends from Afghanistan?

    In an explosion.

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