Worst Jokes Ever
Fella walks past a mental hospital; they're all out in the garden behind this big fence, all shouting "13, 13, 13, 13," etc., over and over again.
This fella is intrigued, sees a little hole in the fence, looks through it... gets fucking poked straight in the eye!
Then they all start singing, "14, 14, 14, 14, 14, 14!"
The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is...
Wait, where are we again?
"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."
- Charlie Chaplin
Recently I visited a restaurant in Crotone. When I was done eating, I told the waitress I was “Penaldo” with my food. She instantly knew that I was finished with my food.
What's the difference between Batman and a gay person?
Batman has no one to call "daddy."
So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.
Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)
Frank: Yo
Fred: Hi...
Frank: U heard about de competition?
Fred: Yeah...
Frank: You wanna hang out?
Fred: .......
Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.
Fred: ...I(
Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.
Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.
Who do you think is the fastest reader? Incorrect. It's 9/11. It went through 100 stories in 2 seconds.
I feel sad for orphans. They can't watch Star Wars because it's parental guidance.
Yo mama so fat, when she ordered a water bed they gave her the Pacific Ocean.
You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.
Why can't dwarfs be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Kobe Bryant never missed a shot.
But he nailed that mountain.
What's the worst thing that can happen to schools?
Quiet kids.
When the quiet kid lost a game of basketball and reaches into his bag,
other people in the gym: "Oh shit this nigga bout to shoot."
So, I saw two homeless people on the road fighting. I said, "Stop fighting and go home." I guess it was a little insensitive.
Why is Donald Trump under so much stress?
Because he signed up to be on an album where somebody says "no love for the rich" on it.
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.
Sex is like math.
Subtract the clothes, add the bed, divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.
Q. What's an orphan's favorite South Park episode?
A. The anti-Family Guy episode.
Bullying orphans is like bullying the homeless kid; both cry when you make fun of their parents.