Worst Jokes Ever
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"
I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."
Don't break girls' hearts. Break their legs instead. They're two.
Did you hear about the new emo pizza? It cuts itself.
What did Hitler feel about all the jokes about him? Führereous.
My family is like treasure. You need a shovel and a map to find them.
Q: What's the difference between a fetus and an onion?
A: One makes you cry when you chop it into pieces.
I went on a date with an Eastern European chick. She got mad because I rushed her...
Get it? It's Russia, and I rushed her.
What do pedophiles and Xboxes have in common?
They both get turned on by kids.
This is not even a joke, it's a serious question... Is eating ass considered cannibalism?
A Christian, a Jew, and a Catholic walk into a bar. The Christian says, “Where’s Mohammed?”
If you jump off a bridge while crying, it's suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming "parkour," it's a failed stunt.
Two Native Americans
Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there sucking back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says, "How would you boys like a blow job?"
The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.
His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do that for?"
Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting a job!"
Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimer's?
Yeah, neither have they.
What's red and green and goes 100 miles per hour? A frog in a blender.
The 3 life rules:
1.
2.
3.
Oh, there are no rules, because you have no life.
What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
Easy way to get away from rape is to become the rapist. All women need to carry a 12-inch dildo and a gun!
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer.
You're so fat, you have more chins than a fat Chinese with heaps of chins!
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a six-year-old.