I've realized that suicide would solve all my problems.... ...if I could just get the right people to try it.
I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide. Tbh they really left me hanging there
Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for my prostate exam
Doctor: Yup
Male: Ok I'm ready....hey doc that doesn't feel like a finger
Doctor: He he yeah...im not a doctor
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they have home to run to.
You mama is so fat, she need 2 phones to take herself
Hi this Daves orphanage- you make it we take it
I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression... Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.
White girl : So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight? Me holding a rock of meth : YES!!!
How did the man with no arms commit suicide? We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.
Q: What's really long and black? A: The line at KFC
I told a orphan there was 363 days in a year
Q: How do emo kids complement each other? A: I like your cuts g
What is something you can’t say in a superhero movie? “Is it a bird, is it a plane, well whatever it is, it’s heading straight for the world trade center.”
What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?
The Mikey Jackson club
How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?
M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N
There's a new bird disease, it's called churpies. It's a canariel disease, untweetable .
[Them]: "Don't you think you'll feel ashamed of all the suicide jokes you've made when you get older?"
[Me]: "When I what?" 0-0
Took my receipt to the sperm bank so I can get this comeback
whats big and white and cant climb trees? a fridge
Why don’t you act like your hairline and kindly take several steps back
this guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to god please let me out it is too cold in here god is all confused there is a big fire in there the guy answers yes there is but you cannot get near it all the bishops cardinals and priests are sitting around it
