Worst Jokes Ever
My girlfriend went to the doctor for a broken arm, and they told her it should be better in about two months. I asked her what they said. She said, "It should be better in about two months." I then asked her, "What did the dentist say?"
If you pour paint in your eyes, the paint loses the 't'.
Chuck Norris doesn't play video games. Video games play Chuck Norris.
The bear rug on Chuck Norris's floor isn't dead, it's just afraid to move.
So, I was in the church the other day, raping this woman, when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his wife changed the WiFi password, because he was having an affair with his shoulder.
What's an upside of being an orphan?
You'll never get grounded again.
What does Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?
They both use 30-year-old meat in between two-year-old buns.
Why don't you use a dull pencil?
Because there's no point. 😐😑😑
What's the difference between a broken shovel and a young child?
The shovel doesn't cry when you swing it into a wall repeatedly.
There are some questionable candies out there, such as:
"All I want is a good Blow Pop."
"I don’t even want to know where that Butterfinger has been."
"If you do, you’ll probably end up with tasting the rainbow."
"Nobody wants to bite into an O’Henry."
"Or adopt Three Musketeers."
"Or even end up with a Sour Patch."
What's the difference between a shopping bag and Michael Jackson?
One is white, made of plastic, and dangerous for children. The other is for groceries.
What do blind people and orphans have in common?
They both can't see their parents.
Why can Elsa hold a balloon? She will "Let It Go"!
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’
What do you call a downie superhero?
Chromo-doner.
It's been 2 years since I've been on this. Hello, guys!
When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.
Why can’t Homer Simpson bring his family into Moe’s Tavern?
Because there’s a bartender in there.
An innocent boy is reading through his father’s phone, looking at the messages and trying to learn things about his family from them. He saw a message asking for something which seemed strange, but ultimately the boy decided to surprise his father with what it said.
“Timmy, why are there thirty-five cats in the living room?” shouted the father.
“I was only supplying what you wanted from Mother!” replied the boy.