Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.
And 100% of men don’t care.
Worst Jokes Ever
Voting for Hillary because of her political experience is like...
Hiring Hitler as a birthday magician because he made 6,000,000 people disappear.
Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.
You can't drink alcohol or dance.
Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.
What's the difference between a casino and a church?
You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.
Jokes are like Indians.
They never die, they just get reincarnated.
I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 4K and above.
It's my New Year's resolution.
When you know that everyone thinks you're a hoe.
WHEN Y'ALL ARE MY HOES!
What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?
"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."
What did the sushi say to the bee?
Wa sa Bee.
That feeling when elbow surgery was yesterday.
Why did the cellphone get glasses? Because it lost its contacts!
Why should you put an autistic person in a refrigerator?
Because otherwise you’ll get a rotten vegetable.
(Not meant to be triggering).
What does a Jewish man say when he sees a caricature of his face?
"We need to circumcise that one."
How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.
What does a Jew expecting guests say?
"Oy, vey, are they here yet?"
Two Indians are walking beside a river...
One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.
"The White Man was here."
"How can you tell?"
"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"
If the government can print money,
Then why are we paying taxes?
What is the difference between the government and organized crime?
Only one of them is organized.
What is a government mandate?
When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.
Why is prostitution illegal?
Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them.
