Worst Jokes Ever

Worst Jokes Ever

A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"

"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."

The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"

The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."

"What about the boy?" the woman asked.

The doctor said, "Denephew."

If you have a girlfriend/crush that's shorter than you, go up to her and say, "You're short, lemme add some inches."

An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."

The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"

I told my girlfriend that the world is flat.

She said, "but the world is round."

I said, babe, you are my world.

I broke up with my girlfriend, so I stole her wheelchair, and guess who came crawling back.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Little Johnny is smokin' hard, The sun looks like Mountain Dew.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels."

Did you know that McDonald's made a Michael Jackson burger? It’s a 50-year-old piece of meat in a 12-year-old bun.

Some trans "woman" came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender

Quiet kid reaches down and class starts running.

Quiet kid: What's wrong? Pulling out my...

Why do self-harmers "draw" on their arms?

Because everything they do is in vein.

Punchline: "Vain" sounds similar to "Vein".

Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?

Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.