ME: And this is the room I cry in DATE: You've said that about every room ME: Correct
i don’t trust anyone who doesn’t feel like screaming
drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns
What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? Beat it. We’re closed
I asked my dog this morning how her weeks been going- she said "ruff". I feel her you know? I feel her.
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
Suicide is as easy as my ex wife
Today my ex got hit by a bus
I also lost my job as a bus driver
What's the depressed person's favorite song? Van Halen - Jump
What does the Nicaraguan Contras, Crips and Crack have in common? The CIA
The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick
Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?" Kid: "A leopard." Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air." Kid: "Broooooooooooo."
A TikTok I saw: "I'm in Canada, I'm in the United States!" Most people: "I'm in South Korea, I'm in Nor- *boom*" Me: "I'm in Palestine, I'm in Is... this heaven?"
*Insert me starting a war in the comments*
why did my dad cross the road.
to get to the nearest building so he wouldn't die in the crippling smoke of the most terrifying and only terrorist attack on american soil
Why were her hands purple? She Heard it Through the Grapevine
so heres the joke, A bear walks into a bar and sits down and then....then..........then................................zzzz
Knock knock who's there me me who me not me
Teacher: your bag is heavy what's in there!
The Quiet kid: Ak-47
Your hairline is so big it looks like the TITANIC.
What do u call a pig that dose Karate
