Worst Jokes Ever
*Me walking into the nail salon* Hi, I'm here for my 3:45 appointment.
*Nail tech:* Ok, sweety, come and sit down.
*Me sits down in the chair*
*Nail tech:* You want long nail, short nail? Um, long nail. You want boyfriend?!! Yes, ma'am. Ok, let me work magic. Ok.
*gives me short nail* Bro, I asked for long nail, but you said BF, but u look lesbian.
*walks out without paying*
*Nail tech gives money to a customer* There u win.
*customer:* I told u she would.
What is the same between water and dark jokes?
Not everyone gets it!
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
Roses are red, violets are not lime, if you turn around, I will fist you anytime.
He said he like Neymar so HIT THAT BOY LIKE FROM THE BACK!
Damn, this new Angry Birds is fire!
What did the orphan say to its parents?
"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"
They people: "No."
Why are Americans so good at Rubik's Cubes?
They are skilled at separating colors.
Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"
Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"
What do orphans and fathers have in common? They both don't have families to go to.
What do you call a girl with no legs?
Unshakeable.
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
Why did the emo break up with her boyfriend?
He didn't wanna hang out.
Are you the Twin Towers? Because I would smash you.
Your hairline and my grandpa go wayyyyy back.
I saw a little kid crying. I went up to him and asked where his parents were. I got fired from the orphanage.
Osama be like: "Fuck boys, runway is full, better use this tower!"
I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.
They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for hours.
Light the man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.