Worst Jokes Ever

What did the evil chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.

Madeline McCann must have been homeless or something, she was sure eager for the free candy.

Why can’t you tell JFK facts about Dallas?

Last time he was there, he got his mind blown.

What type of flower does an orphan use?

Self-raising flour.

Yo, barber fucked up so bad he had to get a breathalyzer test.

Yo, barber fucked up so bad he pulled out a "Plants vs. Zombies" map and that shii fit perfectly.

What's the difference between cotton and an orphan?

One gets picked.

You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."

Yo mama so fat, she could fly a hot air balloon by letting out her gas.

"I've only been ripped off twice in my life. The first time was when I ordered three kebabs and they only delivered two. The second time was when we signed Cristiano Ronaldo."

-Al Nassr owner

Are you a playground? Because I want to put my kids in you.

Why were the Twin Towers destroyed?

Because they ordered pepperoni and they got plane.

Your mom is so ugly when she tried to enter the ugly contest, they said they don't allow professionals.

Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?

Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"

What is my most popular side of myself?

Suicide.

Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?

Me: I have depression, what do you think?!

What's the similarity between my son and a rug from eBay? I asked for a refund.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Suicide.

Suicide who?

Suicide you.

He’s so short no one can see you very close by.

Grew up playing Fruit Ninja on my iPad. Spent time with my online sister playing multiplayer.

Now I play it in school with an awesome small steel blade.

I’m not allowed my phone during school hours and I have to give it in at the start of the day...