People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.
She can't see the obvious.
People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.
She can't see the obvious.
Me going to the principal's after telling the kid with a wheelchair to stand up for himself.
Bro, you look like you got your hair from the Roblox avatar shop.
I hate school. I mean, why can't you pull out a 12 gauge and shoot everyone, including the teachers?! This generation is too soft, man.
Died and came back a cowboy, I call that reintarnation.
Why did the emo kid not cross the road?
He was waiting for a car.
Friend: I broke up with Sara.
Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.
Friend: How did her pussy feel?
Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.
Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!
"Hitler wasn't such a bad guy, after all, he did kill Hitler."
College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you, or they'll send your kid back.
When people say they get ho's: You don't get no ho's, the only ho's you get is in yo draws.
I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.