Worst Jokes Ever
Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"
Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
I made a website for orphans, but it doesn't have a home page.
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away. Orphan: But why? Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
Why do orphans like boomerangs? Cause they come back.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Girls are like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
If you hit an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
If you hit an orphan with a car, at least you don't have to tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
What does an orphan call a family photo? A selfie.
Why was the orphan a big success? Cause people say go big or go home, he only had one option.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What do orphans and blind kids have in common? They can’t see their parents.
Why can't orphans hear about ancient Egypt? Because they don’t know what a mummy is.
Why are orphans bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
What is an Italian massage?
An Italian Catholic priest giving a blowjob inside the confessional booth during Lent.
I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.
What does LMAO stand for?
Launching Moms At Orphans.
Me: Hey, are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yeah, what gave me away?
Me: Your parents.
What's the difference between E.T. and an orphan?
E.T. can phone home.
I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... He died of hearing aids.
You're so poor. You're just PO, you can't even afford the other O and R.
"Dinosaur killing with a 2x4, no more purple dinosaur!"
I was going to tell a joke I made up about my vacuum cleaner, but it sucks.
Q: What do orphans call a family reunion?
A: Me time.
A computer is like a living organism. Its charger is its life support. If you "pull the plug," you are letting it slowly die.
If a Muslim loses his Faith... Does he throw in the Towel?
What's full of lard and is reserved as Putin's cannon fodder?
Your mum!!!
A Catholic gay male that is well-endowed goes to confession, and while he is inside the confessional booth, the Catholic priest is sucking his dick, and he says to the Catholic priest, "What are you doing, Father?"
And the priest says, "It's called giving a blowjob."
And the Catholic gay male says, "Why are you giving me a blowjob, Father, inside the confessional booth?"
And the Catholic priest says, "If there was no glory hole in the confessional booth, my son, it would not be called a confessional booth in the first place."
What comes in and comes out, but you should never miss it?
Any ideas?
SHIT!!!!
I went over to a crying child and said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at an orphanage!
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."
Me: Ok so let's get this straight....
Cop: I'm not straight ok, now get in the car.
Me: But I didn't do anything?
Cop: No.
Me: So why are you arresting me then?
Cop: Imma tell you a story.
Me: Oh no.......
Cop: I know, now come on.
Me: Ok where?
Cop: My room.
Me: Which room?
Cop: My bedroom.
Me: 😱I'm a girl.
Cop: So am I, now get in.
Me: But I'm 9.
Cop: I'm 59.