Worst Jokes Ever
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant.
Did you get seafood without me?
Don't steal. That's the government's job.
What's the difference between milk and a cancer patient?
There's none, they both don't age well.
Did you hear about the new P. Diddy meal in McDonald's? It's a 56-year-old meat inside a 12-year-old bun.
Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?
What do you call two natives in a sleeping bag?
Twix.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of children.
What's the difference between a grenade and your wife? There's none. Take out the ring and half of the house is gone.
Why don’t midgets wear tampons?
Because they’ll trip over the string.
What do you call two natives in a ditch?
A sleepover.
What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?
Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers.
Why do women love Chinese food? Because WON TON spelled backward is NOT NOW!
My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.
3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that always comes out of your mouth?
If someone calls you fat, just ignore them. You are bigger than that!
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something good.
What did the 9/11 survivor say when he went back to his family? "You won't believe it! The Twin Towers became conjoined twins when it happened!"