Worst Jokes Ever
Q: What do hookers and kittens have in common?
A: They both get dumped on deserted back roads.
I make many jokes about jobless people, but none of them are working.
My local pet store sells prong collars to get dogs to behave.
But when I tried them on an Alzheimer's patient, I got fired from the nursing home.
What do you get when you cross a vegan and a burger fry-cook?
A shitty plant-based patty.
Why are female pornstars like Krispy Kreme donuts?
Because they get glazed on both sides.
Two Arabs are swapping jokes. One cracks up and yells, "Man, that joke was an absolute blast!"
"Thank you for letting me borrow your wife."
*darned autocorrect*
"Thank you for letting me borrow your wi-fi"
How can you tell a woman's pussy is good?
You smell her fingers.
You should never suppress a fart. It travels up the spine high into the brain. That's where the shit ideas come from.
Better to drink until you wave it off than to wave it down.
What would you call a cat royal’s descendants?
A feline.
I told my lesbian friends, "I wanna watch," so they bought me a Timex®.
It takes a licking and keeps on ticking.
What's the worst thing to say at a live birth?
"Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
Every one is talking about glory holes, so I decided to look into one.
I was doing renovations on a house and found a wall with a glory hole. I was going to remodel it, but it's load bearing. I asked a gay carpenter how to fix this, and he advised that I check out the studs first to make sure they were uncut.
Eventually, I gave up and just put my nuts through the hole. Now they're walnuts.
What did the squirrel say when he chewed some saggy boobs?
Is it just me or do these taste like nuts?
Why is chemotherapy like a five-star meal?
Because you have to have money to pay for it.
What do blonde chicks and Asians have in common?
They both drive with their blinker on.
What do guns and women have in common?
They both get cocked and loaded.
Why are dildos like a ratcheting wrench? They both make lots of noise and get their job done.
What's something you shouldn't tell a paraplegic that's being confronted by a bully?
Just walk away.